what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
