between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
