he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
