i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
