she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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