Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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