It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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