You smell like a Billy Joel song
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
