Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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