The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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