That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
