Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
