We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
