A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
