i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
