You smell like a Billy Joel song
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
