If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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