I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I didn't notice because vodka
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
