You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
