i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
