kristin has been a bad kristin
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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