I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
