dude i'm inner monologue high
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
