I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
