who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
