2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
