hotel room ftw
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
