I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
