he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
