i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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