his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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