Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
the liver wants what the liver wants
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You are the jesus of drinking
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
