hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
