I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
