My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
