If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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