brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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