Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
