when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
