it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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