I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
