I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
be right there i have to get my cape
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
