so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
