I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
