Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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