I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
