something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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