Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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