I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
