make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
